When I found out I was pregnant, one of the first things I
thought about was this year’s Broad Street Run. I was immediately resigned to
the idea that I’d have to sit this one out, and that I’d be a cheerleader on
the sideline. It took just a few moments for me to realize that wasn’t going to
work. I wanted to do the fundraising. I’ve vowed to continue raising money and
running until there is no more Cancer, so how would I just not do it? I decided
to sign up, commit to raising the money and staying active. I accepted
that I may be told at any time by my doctors I couldn’t run. The plan was to run
unless it would put my baby at risk. Little did I know, we were about to lose
Charlie to cancer not even two months later.
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| Saying goodbye to my baby. |
After Charlie died, just getting off the couch was hard for the
first couple of weeks. It was because I was committed to running Broad St. that
I knew I had to stay active. Andy was training for a half marathon, and we’d go
to the gym together. Back in January, running was still pretty easy (in hindsight
anyway.) I remember one of the things that became difficult early on was breathing
correctly, and of course, the feeling of having to pee the
second I started running.
As the months went on, I became increasingly worried that I’d
need to use every damn porta-potty on the ten-mile route. There were four of us
running together and certainly didn’t want to have to make a lot of stops during
the run. The last three times I ran it, I didn’t stop once. I knew (and accepted)
this time would certainly be different. My pace slowed way down, and I found myself walking more than running. I was trying
to make sure I was getting miles in, but never really stuck to my training
program. I most definitely wasn’t running the miles I should have been, the
most I even got up to before yesterday was five miles, two weeks ago…
When we were all but certain it was going to be raining
again this year (just like our first time in 2016), I wasn’t thrilled but knew
I’d prefer rain over heat. Although I wouldn’t choose to run in the rain, at
the temperature it was yesterday, I knew it wouldn’t be too cold. I didn’t run
with a poncho or any other special rain gear in 2016 and I didn’t plan on it
this year either.
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| Pre-Race dinner after accepting Top Fundraising award on behalf of Team CMMD |
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| Ready to go for the morning. |
Saturday evening we attended the Team Determination pre-race
dinner, where we were reminded on so many levels why we run, who we run for,
and what the fundraising money provides to cancer patients all over the region.
When we got back to the hotel we attached our ribbons to our shirts, laid out
everything we needed for the morning, and checked the forecast one last time.
100% rain at 8am, there was no doubt it would be raining from the second we
left the hotel until well after we were finished with the race.
I had the worst night’s sleep before a race ever, I was up
at least every hour. I woke up thinking about names I needed to add to ribbons
in the morning, what I was going to eat in the morning to hold me over for at
least five hours, songs I wanted on my playlist that I had forgotten, and I checked
the weather for fun a couple of times (just in case it had changed, haha.) We
got up a little after 5:00 and left for the subway around 5:40. We got on an
express subway around 6:15 and thought we had plenty of time to get to there
for the team picture. Dressed in full-length garbage bags, bags around either
our feet or sneakers, and shower caps for the girls, we were doing this thing!
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| It's just a little bit of rain! Waiting for the subway... |
I never had a true moment of “I don’t know if I can do this”
until we were on the subway, stopped because of another train. It was at least
15 minutes, it could have been longer. I started to feel nauseous, overheated,
and an overwhelming desire to “get the
f*** off that Subway.” It’s the closest I’ve ever felt to a panic attack- I
started to doubt myself and was thinking maybe I wasn’t going to make it
through this run. I knelt down and just started bawling (not abnormal these
days) and then I told myself to get it together. I was doing this thing no
matter what, and all I needed was some fresh air. We eventually got to our stop
and I felt much better as soon as we got outside.
When we arrived at the Team Determination tent I was so
happy to see my friend Erica (one of my heroes!) She just finished another
round of chemo a couple of weeks ago and hasn’t been able to run much, yet she
showed and up and was going to find a way to get through the 10 miles. She is
who I’ve thought about time and time again when I wondered if I could do it
this year.
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| With Erica before the run started. |
After about a half hour wait, our corral was called and it
was time to go. Here are my thoughts about the run…
* I was so happy to be running with
my three girls. Erin, Stacey & Erika promised me no matter how many times I
had to use a porta-potty (it ended up only being 2!) and how slow I had to go,
they wouldn’t leave my side. For months, this was hard to accept. I didn’t want
to be the one to slow anyone down. Deep down I was so happy I could count on
being with them the whole time no matter what happened.
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| Getting through it together, mile by mile. |
* The rain really wasn’t a big deal- maybe
it helped that I’ve already done this run in the rain, or that it was warm and
it actually kind of helped keep my body temp down. I used body glide on my
feet, wore the same exact model sneaker I wore in ’16, and had my feet wrapped
in doggie bags (you may laugh but they’re thin, I couldn’t feel them, and they
helped keep my feet dry.) The leggings I wore did a great job repelling water
and didn’t start to feel drenched until about mile 7. I got rid of my garbage bag and long sleeve t-shirt right away, and ran with the shower cap for about the first
mile (what a look, haha.)
* I still need music to run. I was
the only one who ran with headphones. I kept the volume lower than I usually do
so I could talk and take in all of the cheerleaders and musicians, but I needed
the distraction during our runs. (We intervaled 3-minute runs, 1-minute walks.)
My playlist planning was poor and I think I listened to the same 15 songs several
times.
The crowds were awesome this year!
I remember being amazed in ’16 by all of the people who still came out and
cheered for hours in the pouring rain. Then there are the musicians and DJs who
set up their gear and under tents. They show up, just like we always talk about
with running. The cheerleaders matter, and make such a difference for runners-
especially the ones who don’t feel ready, or well trained, or confident about
getting through the race. This was the first time in the four that I’ve run
when I felt like that and the cheerleaders made such a difference!
* I literally felt like I had to pee the
entire time. Every single step. I knew it was more of feeling like I had to versus
really having to go, so I made it a goal to get to at least the third mile. The
lines were long and I didn’t want to have to wait so I pushed it to four. I
decided to run into a Wendy’s and hoped they’d give me pregnancy pity. No one
was in there and the man who was working in the front was so nice! He came to
the door and said “let me give you the code.” I was happy to only delay us a
few minutes instead of waiting in a long porta-potty line. By the time we got
to mile eight there were no lines (because normal people just want to finish the
run by then) so I was able to go in and out real quick. Overall I was very
proud of myself! On my training walks/runs, I’ve had to stop every mile or two.
In the four times I’ve run this race, this was the only time I’ve ever stopped.
Yay for running while pregnant!
* Approaching City Hall never gets old. I LOVE seeing it come within my sights and then knowing once we get there we're halfway done. I have a picture at that point from each year I've run.
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| We were still pretty far away from City Hall here, you can hardly see it! |
* If you ever want to run a race,
know that training is KEY! The last three times I trained pretty well for the
race and never felt like there was an “easy part” and a “hard part.” This time
was
much different. Like I’ve already
mentioned, I only ran up to five miles (once) and walked eight (once, back in
March.) So, let’s just say I didn’t get the miles in beforehand. By the time we
got to mile 6 my legs were burning. I remember saying “but my feet are fine!” At
mile 8, my feet were no longer fine. Although I didn’t have blisters, they were
hurting and tired. The last few miles we
hard.
I knew I’d get through it, but I just wanted it to be over.
* The finish line…oh, I’ve never been
happier to see that Navy Yard sign that tells us “not done yet.” That sign does
mean “you are almost done” though. We started seeing the photographers taking
end-of-race photos, and that feeling of “you did it” came over me. All of the self-doubt,
the questioning my decision to run, the wondering if I made the wrong decision…it
all faded away. I ran this race, in the rain, largely untrained, thirty-one
weeks pregnant, with three amazing friends by my side. A few hundred yards
before the actual finish line I saw Andy on the left, phone in hand taking
pictures of us finishing. He had finished nearly ninety minutes earlier and
waited around for us. It meant the world to me. We crossed that line together,
the four of us. I was so happy it was over, and that I got through it, and
mostly I was happy I didn’t sit this one out!
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| Almost there! |
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| We did it! |
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| Sending Andy a kiss right before we crossed the finish line. |
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| Cancer stole him too. |
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| Our only picture from after the race. |
Each year, Andy & I run this race with more names on
our ribbons. This year, we had to add our beloved dog Charlie to the list. We both
miss him more than words can say. We raise the money, dedicate miles, and run
this race to honor all of the people we know and love who have faced cancer. We
also run for those we don’t know. There have been times over the last three
years when I wondered what kind of difference it really makes. It seems like
cancer is more and more vicious as time goes on, yet we know the money we raise
is used to help cancer fighters live longer, gain access to treatment and
clinical trials, and so much more. Most of all, we give them hope and sometimes
it’s what they need most.
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Sometimes you need a reminder not to quit.
Proud to have my 4th BSR medal to add to my collection. |
