I sent out the email below to some of my girlfriends last week. I was trying to alleviate some of the guilt I have been feeling by not being in touch. I think I was also trying to teach myself everyone is the same boat. It wasn't that I thought people wouldn't understand, but I still wanted them to know where I've been and what the last few months have been like for me.
I'm posting it here too---so I can remind myself of how I was feeling during this time, and that it's ok to not be everything to everyone when you simply can't be, whatever the reason.
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I hate sending out mass emails, I really do. But, I've been wanting to
send a message like this for quite some time and this was the easiest
way to tell each of you the same thing at the same time.
Some of you know back in August I was presented with a difficult work
situation---they were basically telling me I was going to lose my job
or I had to commit to moving to Chicago this spring. Andy & I
discussed the options and decided we would agree to relocating within
6-9 months. In the meantime, I took over our Mid-America territory
(covering IL, WI, MN, NE, IA, CO, TX, ND, SD, OK, MO & KS---yes,
INSANE)
Since then, I have been traveling non-stop. Thank God we were able to
fit in a great Aruba vacation in November and a trip to FL in January.
Without those trips I think I'd officially be going crazy. Aside from
being home for a few weeks in December around the holidays, I've only
spent a few days here and there at home. I try to laugh and say I have
a beautiful storage unit---because that's more or less what my house
feels like these days.
Currently I'm at a crossroads. In the beginning I thought moving to
Chicago sounded like a fun adventure. As time goes by and the 'must
move by date' approaches we have been reconsidering. At this time in
our lives it doesn't feel right. We are obviously both very close to
our families, and of course our friends that live in the area as well.
We talk about having children and I can't imagine going through my
first pregnancy living so far from my mom, sister and closest friends.
There have also been changes at my company that have caused me to have
some concern about moving as well. So, we have all of that to figure
out.
The reason I'm writing is because I've been carrying around a lot of
guilt. You guys are the friends that know me best, so you probably
aren't surprised. I try to be everything I can for everyone that needs
me. I genuinely miss my friends when months go by and I don't get to
see them. I've been feeling bad about not sending Christmas cards or
sending birthday cards late. I know I've texted some of you at
midnight, 30 seconds before your birthday was over, to prove I didn't
forget. Some of you didn't even get that from me this year.
send a message like this for quite some time and this was the easiest
way to tell each of you the same thing at the same time.
Some of you know back in August I was presented with a difficult work
situation---they were basically telling me I was going to lose my job
or I had to commit to moving to Chicago this spring. Andy & I
discussed the options and decided we would agree to relocating within
6-9 months. In the meantime, I took over our Mid-America territory
(covering IL, WI, MN, NE, IA, CO, TX, ND, SD, OK, MO & KS---yes,
INSANE)
Since then, I have been traveling non-stop. Thank God we were able to
fit in a great Aruba vacation in November and a trip to FL in January.
Without those trips I think I'd officially be going crazy. Aside from
being home for a few weeks in December around the holidays, I've only
spent a few days here and there at home. I try to laugh and say I have
a beautiful storage unit---because that's more or less what my house
feels like these days.
Currently I'm at a crossroads. In the beginning I thought moving to
Chicago sounded like a fun adventure. As time goes by and the 'must
move by date' approaches we have been reconsidering. At this time in
our lives it doesn't feel right. We are obviously both very close to
our families, and of course our friends that live in the area as well.
We talk about having children and I can't imagine going through my
first pregnancy living so far from my mom, sister and closest friends.
There have also been changes at my company that have caused me to have
some concern about moving as well. So, we have all of that to figure
out.
The reason I'm writing is because I've been carrying around a lot of
guilt. You guys are the friends that know me best, so you probably
aren't surprised. I try to be everything I can for everyone that needs
me. I genuinely miss my friends when months go by and I don't get to
see them. I've been feeling bad about not sending Christmas cards or
sending birthday cards late. I know I've texted some of you at
midnight, 30 seconds before your birthday was over, to prove I didn't
forget. Some of you didn't even get that from me this year.
I don't call as much and read emails while in airports,
hotels, in traffic, or multi-tasking and then forget I even read the
email and never reply. I feel like I'm all over the place, all of the
time. I'm home so rarely that when I am home I want to spend time with
Andy, for whom I know all of this has not been easy (but he's been
great and knows it will all work out in the end). I'm trying to make
sure I see my Mom & Dad when I can and I'm also the Maid of Honor in
my sister Kelly's wedding. I don't know if I could be stretched any
thinner.
I know we're all busy, it's hard to make time for everyone. Some of us
have kids, some have crazy jobs, etc. I've always been able to handle
it all, while (usually) still smiling. I love planning get togethers
and cooking for friends. I miss doing those things. These days I spend
my time at home doing 11 days worth of laundry and then packing a
suitcase, then repeating the process all over again.
I don't want this to come across as me complaining---really, I just
wanted to let you all know I think of you way more often than you hear
from me. I miss seeing you and catching up. I have a great life, and
realize I made the choice to try and make this work. I didn't know
traveling this much would take such a toll on me. And the guilt just
adds to the pressure I constantly already feel.
I'm trying to figure things out, and hope there is a way to find a
better balance. My goal is to keep my position at GlobalOptions if
they would let me continue working based in Philly. We'll see what
happens.
I am grateful for Facebook because it helps me feel connected to those
of you that have an account. Facebook is something I can look at for 2
minutes and learn a little bit about what's happening with you. Email
is second best, I can return emails at 1am---I don't think most of you
would appreciate me calling at 1am. :-) Changing time zones a couple
hotels, in traffic, or multi-tasking and then forget I even read the
email and never reply. I feel like I'm all over the place, all of the
time. I'm home so rarely that when I am home I want to spend time with
Andy, for whom I know all of this has not been easy (but he's been
great and knows it will all work out in the end). I'm trying to make
sure I see my Mom & Dad when I can and I'm also the Maid of Honor in
my sister Kelly's wedding. I don't know if I could be stretched any
thinner.
I know we're all busy, it's hard to make time for everyone. Some of us
have kids, some have crazy jobs, etc. I've always been able to handle
it all, while (usually) still smiling. I love planning get togethers
and cooking for friends. I miss doing those things. These days I spend
my time at home doing 11 days worth of laundry and then packing a
suitcase, then repeating the process all over again.
I don't want this to come across as me complaining---really, I just
wanted to let you all know I think of you way more often than you hear
from me. I miss seeing you and catching up. I have a great life, and
realize I made the choice to try and make this work. I didn't know
traveling this much would take such a toll on me. And the guilt just
adds to the pressure I constantly already feel.
I'm trying to figure things out, and hope there is a way to find a
better balance. My goal is to keep my position at GlobalOptions if
they would let me continue working based in Philly. We'll see what
happens.
I am grateful for Facebook because it helps me feel connected to those
of you that have an account. Facebook is something I can look at for 2
minutes and learn a little bit about what's happening with you. Email
is second best, I can return emails at 1am---I don't think most of you
would appreciate me calling at 1am. :-) Changing time zones a couple
times a week makes it even more fun!
If you're interesting in keeping up with my travels you can check out my blog, www.amilliongoodintentions.blo
I'm behind on that too but should be caught up by this weekend. Let me know what's happening with you too!
When things slow down next month I am hoping to have a "I never get to
see my friends" party--maybe for St. Patty's Day or something? In the
meantime, know I'm thinking about you.
Love,
Christine
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